November 2019 – DASHING EXPECTATIONS

After many years of committed membership and service, I find myself without a church.

This was a decision that my family and I made together, but for the first time in many years I am unsure of what to say about my faith identity.

Many people, including some on the leadership team I was a part of, conveyed to me messages of great sorrow and shock about our decision to leave and inquired if there was anything the church could have done differently that would have changed our decision.

After wrestling with that question, and all of the emotions that come with making this kind of decision, I would have to say that them having to ask that question means there is nothing they could have done differently. For the better part of a year and a half I was very upfront about the fact that I was struggling in many areas but I guess no one was listening.

So to ask me after the fact what could have been done differently, I would have to say, listen to people better.

In the midst of my ongoing current struggles my church community didn’t pay attention to the words I was saying and so didn’t come up alongside of me to offer support of any kind. After many years of giving and serving, there wasn’t anyone pouring support into me during my time of need.

In fact, during this time, most of the communications and interactions I received in regards to church life and commitments involved pushing me to be serving others in more and more and more ways. When I indicated that something was too much or that I couldn’t do what was being requested the responses I received made me feel like I was being difficult because my stressed out self couldn’t handle the continued demands being made upon my time, giftings, and resources.

Churches need to encourage members to not overcommit themselves. Burn out isn’t pretty to watch and sucks to be going through. Having strong and healthy church communities means ensuring all of our members are keeping healthy boundaries.

Leaving has had the emotional effects of a death on me and I am grieving for my church family. I feel sadness at the loss of connection and religious identity and I lament for being part of the lives of others. I also feel angry and taken advantage of as well as discarded and abandoned.

But most of all, I feel disrespected.

My time wasn’t valued, my efforts to grow weren’t encouraged, and my overall health and well being were not considered to be priorities.

When Jesus said “feed my sheep”, he meant for us to feed all of them. Not just the sheep that haven’t been brought into the fold, not just the sheep in the fold that we deemed needed special attention because they “had a hard life”, but all of them. How can the church feed and care for the lost sheep if they aren’t feeding and caring for the sheep already in the fold to keep them healthy and energized and growing?

I am one of those sheep, and I need to be regularly fed for continued spiritual growth. Each of us have unique needs that need to be taken into consideration when being fed.

When Jesus said to go and make disciples, he meant go and invite everyone to come into your circle, not just the ones that have been determined to be “deep seekers” and therefore worthy of admittance. I am not a perfect person and believe everyone who desires to be included should be welcomed to the circle regardless of what they can or can not offer.

So now you find me a church member who is unattached and walking away from the community that no longer seems to be part of my path. I don’t know what road I will travel down next, but I do know that I have been feeling God’s peace with the decision to leave where we were.

And God will continue to lead us as we journey forward.